Even if it means losing her forever
by Calypsana
Summary: What he wanted from her? He just wanted her. He wanted to be with her, to make her happy and, above all of this, to keep her safe, but this last thing was impossible. She couldn't be safe with him, not anymore. My version of 4X14 (the cabin scene). ONE-SHOT


**So, this is my version of 4X14 and especially of the cabin scene, including what we learnt about Ezra in the final and the spoilers we have about Halloween. **

**I know there are already some amazing one-shots about the cabin scene, especially Ezria. Lovers. Forever's one (A Night away from reality), but**** I had that on mind and well, I wanted to write it down.**

**Enjoy.**

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Ezra quickly spotted Aria's car, parked in front of the little cabin which belonged to her family. She had asked him to meet her here, saying that they needed to talk and have some time alone in a place where they wouldn't have to worry about being caught.

Over the last few days, some 'incidents' had happened between them which had made their relationship quite confused. First, there had been this kiss in the Brew after the reading. It had barely lasted one second and Ezra knew that Aria had done it in the heat of the moment and that it probably didn't mean anything to her. But then, there had been _that _night.

A shiver ran through him at the thought of the events that had occurred during this evening, and it wasn't only because of what had happened between Aria and him.

She had called him to pick her up from Ravenswood as well as her friends. He had pretended to be on his way even if he was, of course, already there.

Once he had dropped Aria's friends, he had parked a few meters away from her house, in case her father was still up. He had told her goodnight and she had been on the point to open the door when she had suddenly turned back to him before crashing her lips onto his. It had been the first real kiss they had shared in three months and, God, it had felt good. It would have been perfect if the events which had occurred during the evening hadn't been haunting him.

A wave of guilt and anger rushed through him at the thought of what he had done during _that_ night.

How could he have gotten himself into such a situation? How could he have thought that he would be able to handle the situation without consequences? He had been such a fool and had underestimated the people he had messed with.

What the hell was he thinking? He had been caught in one's own trap and now he had to pay the price.

He hated that, hated what they wanted him to do. He had hated what he had had to do in Ravenswood. Thinking about that made him sick to his stomach. He could still see the fear written all over the girl' faces when he had threatened them in this ridiculous costume. But he had had no choice; if he had refused then …He didn't even want to think about that, he just couldn't bear the thought.

He sighed loudly in frustration as he looked at the cabin where Aria was waiting for him. He didn't even know if it was a good idea to meet her. He didn't know what he was supposed to do anymore. Things had changed, the situation was too important now, there were way too many things at stake. A few weeks ago, he would have given anything for another chance with her, but now he didn't know if he still had the right to want that.

How could he even look at her in the eyes? It was too hard to keep _that_ from her.

He knew he should stay away from her, it was in her best interest, but that was a thing he had never been able to do, no matter how hard he had tried.

As he was considering leaving, he suddenly saw the door opening and Aria waving at him. Taking a deep breath, he exited his car and walked toward her.

* * *

"Hi," he said, softly smiling at her when he reached her. They hesitated a few seconds, not even knowing how to greet each other, but Aria suddenly rose on tiptoes and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek before coming back inside as he followed.

"Do you want something to drink?" Aria immediately asked him. "I think I have water or … water?" She said with an apologetic smile on her face. "Sorry, it's been a very long time since someone came here. I should have thought of bringing something."

"Water's fine, don't worry," Ezra replied, laughing softly.

As Aria was busy taking out two glasses from the cupboard and washing them, Ezra looked around him**, **letting his eyes roam the place. It was really small and old but not less lovely. A small smile spread across his face when he spotted a picture of a ten-year-old Aria, her arms wrapped around a black and white Border Collie.

"Her name was Pearl," Aria said behind him as she handed him a glass of water. "I was crazy about her."

"Was she your dog?" Ezra asked her, taking the glass from her hands.

Aria nodded in affirmation.

"You never told me you had a dog," Ezra pointed out.

Aria shrugged and smiled. "Well, seems like there are still some little things you don't know about me."

Ezra did his best to keep composure at her comment. If only she knew that there were still 'big' things that she didn't know about him either. Things she couldn't even imagine.

They then sat on the couch and started talking about everything and nothing, avoiding the real subject: them, which Ezra was quite grateful for.

Aria told him about how she missed her mother and all the wonderful photos from Austria she had sent her brother and her. Ella seemed really happy with Zach, was enjoying her life in Europe and had promised Aria and her brother that they would come visit her in the summer, which Aria was particularity thrilled about.

Ezra asked her a few questions about college and her essay, that she promised to show him, and told her about a book he had recently read and that he was sure she would love.

After long minutes, the family, college and book topic being exhausted, a silence settled between. Ezra stared at his hands, nervousness starting to rush through him at the thought of the conversation that he knew was coming.

"I miss you," Aria suddenly let out.

Ezra looked up at her and couldn't help the small smile which played on his lips at the sound of the words he had wanted her to say so badly since their break-up. But the joy caused by her words quickly vanished as the current situation came back to his mind. They couldn't go back to the way they were, it was impossible. He couldn't do this to her.

"I miss you too, Aria, but..."

But before he could add another word, Aria moved forward on the couch and pressed her lips against his.

Surprised, Ezra didn't kiss her back at first, but when he felt her tongue on his bottom lip, asking for entrance, he opened it and cupped her face between his hands.

She moaned into his mouth when their tongues started battling for dominance as Ezra wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him on the couch.

As she kissed him fiercely, her hands wandering in his hair, she realized how much she had missed him. No one was able to make her feel this way, to make her body react like that. She had never shiver this way under Jake's touch, nor felt the butterflies that were currently invading her stomach.

Her hands gave up his hair and lowered to his tie as her small fingers started to untie the knot before tossing it on the floor.

She hadn't meant for that to happen, not really. She had wanted them to talk about their relationship and determine if they still had one, but now she wanted him, she needed him.

She unbuttoned his shirt and was about to take it off when Ezra suddenly pulled away, breaking the kiss.

"Maybe we should stop," he said, breathless.

Aria bit her lip in frustration as she furrowed her brows. "Why?"

Ezra sighed. "Because I'm your teacher to begin with."

But of course, being her teacher wasn't the only thing that was stopping him. He had wanted her back, so much, and he still did, more than ever, but he didn't know if he should allow them to be together, not when all these 'things' were going on. It was better for her if she stayed away from him and, as much as it hurt him to admit, maybe Jake was better for her. Maybe he was the one she needed.

Aria nodded. "I know that, Ezra, but… nobody is going to find out. We're far away from Rosewood, it's just you and me. You know I would never do anything which could get you into troubles."

Guilt rushed through him once again as he heard her words. If only she knew that he was the one whose actions could get her in troubles, big troubles.

"I need you Ezra," she told him.

Her whole body was aching for him. It had been so long since they hadn't been intimate and she didn't think she had ever wanted something as bad as she wanted this moment with him. Yes, they needed to talk, yes they needed to figure things out, but she knew she was still in love with him and she was sure he was to, and that was all that mattered to her. They could talk later.

"And I know you do too," she added, intensively looking at him. "I think we both need this moment together."

Yes, he wanted her; yes he needed her, more than ever. He wanted nothing more than pushing all thoughts aside and making love to her right now, but he couldn't. It wouldn't be right knowing what was happening and what he was hiding from her.

Once again he shook his head as he rose from the couch. "Aria, honestly, I don't think we should."

"But why? What's stopping you?" Aria asked as she got up as well, standing in front of him. "I told you, we don't risk anything."

She was wrong. There was so much she didn't know. He wanted to tell her, tell her everything, but he couldn't. He knew that it wasn't even an option.

"You're still with Jake, aren't you?" He said, trying to find something else which could make her change her mind.

Aria seemed discountenanced and embarrassed for a moment before nodding in affirmation. "Kind of, yes…But I'll talk to him. I was just waiting for the right moment and make sure that you and I... Anyway, I know it's not what's stopping you. So what is it really about?"

Ezra ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed, unable to answer her question.

Aria shook her head. "I really don't understand you, Ezra," she said, seeing that he wasn't going to answer, frustration and a point of anger in her voice.

"You're the one who never stopped trying to get me back. Don't think I didn't see the looks you threw at me in class or the way you looked at me and Jake at the dance. It didn't bother you back then that the whole school was there and could notice something. And now that I'm ready to give our relationship another chance, you're pushing me away, playing the student/teacher card! I thought we had passed this."

"Look, Aria, it's not that but…"

"But what?" Aria shouted. "What do you want from me, Ezra? Because honestly I'm really lost right now."

What he wanted from her? He just wanted her. He wanted to be with her, to make her happy and, above all of this, to keep her safe, but this last thing was impossible. She couldn't be safe with him, not anymore which was ironic when everything had started in the first place because he had wanted her to be safe. And now, she was in danger, more than ever and because of him.

"You gave it a second thought and realized that you didn't want to be with me anymore?" She snapped. "Because if it's the case then you can tell me, I'm a big girl, I can handle it."

How could she think that? Couldn't she see that he was crazy about her? That he was willing to do anything for her, even the unthinkable? How could she even think that he didn't want her?

Mistaking his silence for a confirmation of her words, Aria shook her head in frustration and anger as some hot tears started to fall down her cheeks. "Obviously it was a bad idea to ask you to come here. But at least, everything's clear now."

Before Ezra even had time to process, she quickly grabbed her keys on the table and rushed toward the door.

'_Let her go, let her go. That's better this way.' _Ezra thought as he fought the urge to go after her.

But suddenly something broke inside him. He couldn't let her think that he didn't love her. He couldn't bear the thought of her thinking that he didn't want her, that she didn't mean the world to him anymore. She could hate him as much as she wanted, and that was what would happen one day or another, he knew that, but he would never let her believe that his love for her wasn't real. Not when it was the most real and honest thing in his life.

As she was opening the door, he suddenly grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving.

"Aria, wait, please."

But the anger and humiliation of being rejected had taken the upper hand on Aria and she struggled into his grip.

"Let me go," she snapped at him. "I don't need your pity or anything, I got it, okay?!"

Instead of releasing her, he grabbed her other arm, being careful not to hurt her, in order to keep her still in front of him. "Aria, look at me, please."

She unwillingly complied and looked up at him, pain and anger shinning in her big teary hazel eyes.

"How can you even think that I don't want you anymore? Of course I do. God, Aria… I'm crazy about you! Don't you get that?"

She gazed into his eyes, trying to determine if he was saying the truth, which, deep down, she already knew.

"So prove it," she said, her voice almost a whisper. "Make love to me."

Ezra swallowed hard, his eyes locked with hers as his reluctance started to fall down. He then grabbed hold of both of her cheeks, his thumb softly brushing some tears away from her face before gently pressing a kiss on her forehead and then her cheeks to finally reach her lips.

She moaned softly and Ezra immediately deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue into her mouth as her arms wrapped around his neck.

Maybe he would regret it, maybe that wasn't the smartest idea ever but he had made his decision. He was going to make love to her; they would at least have this moment together that nobody would be able to take away from them. Not even the ones who were currently ruining his life and had threatened to ruin hers as well.

He gently pressed her against the door, as his mouth went down on her neck, sucking on her sensitive spots and breathing deeply in the scent of her shin.

He had missed that so much, had craved that so much over the last few months. He had missed everything about her. Her scent, the softness of her delicate and pale skin, the way she moaned when he kissed the most sensitive spots that he now perfectly knew, the feeling of her hands in his hair, the way she always tug at his bottom lip to tease him… All these things which were unique to her and only her.

This time he didn't protest when she took off his shirt and started leaving kisses down his neck, sending shivers throughout his body. He quickly pulled over her thank top, revealing her black lace bra, wanting to feel her skin against his.

He groaned loudly when she started grinding against his growing erection and he lowered his hands to place them under her thighs. Aria got the signal and jumped to wrap her legs around his waist without breaking their passionate kiss.

"Where's the bedroom?" Ezra breathed out against her ear before kissing her neck again.

Aria pointed to the back of the cabin. "Over there," she replied in a moan.

Ezra started to walk to the direction Aria had pointed to, as she trailed kisses on his neck and shoulders.

He opened the door of the bedroom with his foot and walked up to the bed before gently dropping her onto it.

He placed himself above her, being careful not to put all his weight on her tiny body before finding her mouth again. Aria gently tugged at his bottom lip causing him to groan against her mouth as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

He then gave up her mouth to place open-mouthed kisses all along the side of her neck, her delicate collarbone up to the top of her breasts. He kissed the skin all around the edge of her bra as she moaned and wiggled under his touch.

Aria suddenly turned into a sitting position causing Ezra to do the same, and reached behind her to unclasp her bra before tossing it on the floor beside her.

Ezra's eyes roam her chest and felt his mouth going dry as he stared at her already erect nipples.

Aria shivered at the way Ezra was looking at her. She loved how he always looked at her as if she was the prettiest girl in the word. She pressed her thighs together in an attempt to calm the increasing throbbing before laying back on the bed.

Ezra looked up at her and gently smiled, causing her to blush slightly. He then slowly bent his head forward and closed his mouth around her right nipple.

Aria let out a small cry and arched her back at the sudden pleasurable sensation of his hot lips around her sensitive flesh. Her fingers clenched in his hair as he sucked and licked the pink and hard bulb while massaging her other breast.

She started trashing her head from side to side as Ezra continued his ministrations.

He then trailed kisses down the valley of her breasts before reaching her flat stomach. He heard her intake of breath as he kissed the skin above the hem of her jeans and started to unzip them before tugging them down her body.

Without breaking eye contact with her, he slowly hooked his fingers at the sides of her black and soaked thong and let it slid against her thin legs before letting it fall on the floor.

Aria bit her lip in anticipation of what she knew was going to follow. Her heart was thumping hard against her ribcage as the throbbing between her thighs became unbearable. She couldn't wait for him to touch her, she needed him and she needed him now.

Feeling her impatience, Ezra ran his hands over her smooth legs and gently spread them further apart. He then bent his head forward to press a light kiss on her knee and then made his way up to her thighs, leaving sweet kisses all along the way.

Her hips shot off the bed when he kissed the inside of her thighs, smiling when he realized how wet she already was.

He looked up at her, gazing into her big hazel eyes darkened with lust and intensively looking at him, before lowering his head between her thighs.

She thought she would literally come out of her skin when he closed his mouth around her sensitive clit as a very loud moan escaped her lips.

He sucked and licked on her as Aria kept moaning, biting hard on her lip to prevent herself from screaming even if nobody could hear her as the cabin was only surrounded by forest.

A guttural groan came out of her throat when he suddenly pushed a finger into her wetness.

Ezra looked up at her once again and watched as she threw her head back, her eyes close, moaning even louder when he added a second finger and then a third.

"Ezra…" She moaned as her hands gripped the sheets.

He had missed hearing her moaning under his touch, missed hearing his name falling from her lips in a way that it always made him shiver and feel special.

As she started gasping, he decided to give her the relief she was craving and once again closed his mouth around her engorged clit as he kept pumping his fingers in and out of her body at a perfect pace.

Aria's hands clenched in his hair as her breath grew even louder, and Ezra gently nibbling at her clit was all it took for her to explode in his mouth as she cried out in bliss.

He let her ride out her orgasm completely before removing his fingers causing her to groan at the loss of contact. He pressed a lingering kiss on her forehead before going down on her neck and shoulders as he let her catch her breath.

Once her breath had come back to normal, she slid her hands between them and started unbuckling his belt. She took it off and Ezra removed his jeans and boxers which joined his belt and Aria's clothes on the floor.

As he came back above her and found her mouth again, tracing her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, Aria moaned when she felt his hard member against her thigh.

They kissed for a few seconds, their tongues battling eagerly for dominance, before Aria lowered her hand and reached out for his member. Ezra moaned deeply as her tiny fingers started going up and down his length. Her touch had always driven him wild, even the slightest one. As Ezra's cock grew even harder and bigger in her hand, Aria felt the familiar throbbing coming back as a new wave of wetness pooled between her thighs.

"Ezra please…" she suddenly breathed out. "I need you, now. I…I need to feel you inside me."

She couldn't wait to have him inside of her. She thought she was going to get crazy. It had been so long, too long. She needed this special moment with him. She wasn't only looking for sex or a relief, she also wanted to feel him as close to her as possible.

Ezra didn't even think of teasing her any longer. He needed her too. He wanted nothing more than being inside of her, than feeling her around him.

"I need you too," he whispered against her mouth, his hot breath sending a shiver down her spin.

"I'm still on the pill," Aria told him as she saw him suddenly hesitating.

He nodded as relief spread across his face and positioned himself between her legs. He wanted her so much that it was almost painful not to be inside of her already.

Aria cried out as he entered her in one long thrust and she threw her head back into the pillows as her right hand gripped the sheets.

"Oh God, Aria," he groaned into her ear at the feeling of her tightness around him. He had to use all his self-control not to come right away.

If he still doubted that she had slept with Jake, all his fears faded away at that very moment. She was so tight, too tight. There was no way she could have had sex with Jake or anyone else.

It was something which had been haunting him since he had seen them together. Imagining her sharing this intimate moment with someone else was unbearable.

Aria was grateful for the fact that he stayed still for a few seconds, letting her time to adjust to his big member into her very tight core. He had always felt big, but tonight, and probably due to the fact that she hadn't had sex in a few months, he felt even bigger.

"You alright?" He asked her softly, making sure he wasn't hurting her.

"Yes," Aria moaned. "I just want you."

She let out a soft cry when he started moving in and out of her clammy walls while kissing her eagerly.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, causing him to slide even deeper inside her as he reached out for her hand which was gripping the sheet. He gently kissed her knuckles before intertwining his fingers with hers like every time they made love.

As Ezra was fiercely thrusting into her, each time causing a loud moan to fall from her throat, Aria opened her eyes that she had closed a few seconds ago, and stared right into Ezra's dark blue eyes that was currently watching her.

An overwhelming wave of feelings suddenly hit her as the man she was in love with was making sweet love to her, looking at her with his eyes full of love, which caused her own hazel eyes to fill with tears.

She broke eye contact with him and, turning her head to the side, she grabbed his hand, and softly kissed its palm, sending shivers through his body.

Going deeper and deeper inside of her, Ezra increased the pace when he felt her inner walls starting to clench around him.

"Ezra, I…" she breathed out as she felt her orgasm coming closer and closer.

Ezra pulled all the way out of her only to thrust back in with full force.

"Oh God," Aria cried out as her body started to tremble.

Ezra pressed his forehead against hers as he kept thrusting inside of her.

"I love you," he suddenly whispered as his thumb brushed her cheek.

The words combined with a pretty hard thrust from Ezra were enough to send Aria over the edge.

She bit down on Ezra's shoulder as she clenched around his member over and over again, her moans turning into screams. A hot white sensation rushed through her, causing her petite body to shake with force and her toes to curl as she reached her climax.

Ezra thrust inside her a few more times before burying his face into the crook of her neck to muffle his groans, as he released himself deep inside of her, her name falling from his mouth multiple times.

She sighed in contentment as his hot seed shot up inside her and held onto him even tighter.

They stayed like this, him still buried deep inside of her, as they tried to come down from their highs, their raged breathing filling the small room.

Ezra then kissed her tenderly, brushing a piece of her long hair away from her sweaty forehead, before pulling out of her. She wimped as she suddenly felt empty and snuggled beside him. He wrapped his arms around her body, pulling her close to him as she rested her head on his chest.

"I love you, Aria. So much," he told her as his fingers ran through her long locks.

"I love you too," she replied, fighting to keep her eyes open.

"Promise me you will never doubt that, no matter what might happen," Ezra said, grateful that Aria couldn't see the shadow which passed over his face at that moment.

"I promise," Aria sleepily answered as she snuggled closer to him.

Ezra kissed the top of her head, tightening his arms around her small body, in a protective way as he thought of what 'they' had threatened to do.

He knew she would probably not be able to keep her promise. She would find out one day or another and he knew she would hate him and be devastated. But, as for himself, he would keep his promise, the one he had made to the devil, and keep doing all that was asked of him.

He had once told her that he would do anything for her and that meant even doing the unthinkable in order to protect her, even if it also meant losing her forever.

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**So, what do you think? **

**I hope you liked it.**

**Please review.**

**xoxo**

**twitter: Calypsazria**


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